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SingSanctuary
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Name: Jeanette
Country: United States
State: Tennessee
Birthday: 7/13/1982
Interests: I'm oh so passionate about Jesus, but I love a lot of things. My life is composed mainly of adoration and passion of all things that I can play that make a sound. Even, you know, film canisters with film in them can make a MEAN rhythm. I play the FLUTE and happen to be majoring in it. I love to LAUGH and be laughed at. I love to hang out with the ones I ADORE. I am in Sigma Alpha Iota, a women's MUSIC fraternity, and it's amazing. Sparkly things. MIRACLES. Puppies. Starbucks. JESUS.
Expertise: I play the flute, yo. I attempt to write. I have beat one video game in my life. I can really, really love on people.
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  SingSanctuary
MSN: ParallelFifths
Member Since:
12/9/2003
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| I love this man and his ministry. www.nooma.com We watch these videos each week in Bible study, and I am--without fail--left thinking about it for the rest of the week, constantly coming back to the message. I LOVE that Rob Bell is all about the thought-provoking. The videos are beautiful. The music is incredible. And I'm left with challenging thoughts about God that for once don't fly out of my head the moment I leave the room in which I heard it. I LOVE IT. Here are the closing remarks from this week's study: "So may you stop hiding under the covers.
May you let GOD pull the covers back--
May you embrace Him.
May you let your WHOLE LIFE become a response to the truth that
you've always been loved, you are loved, and you always will be loved.
And may you know, may you know deep in the depths of your soul--
that there is nothing you could ever to do make Him love you less.
There is nothing you could ever do to make God love you less.
Nothing you could ever do to make him love you less.
Nothing.
Nothing."
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| My, my. There is a lot of new crap here on xanga. I miss the days of simplicity here before it turned into flippin' Myspace.
One of my favorite websites: PostSecret. It's a pretty remarkable art project in which people mail anonymous postcards with their secrets written or drawn on them, which are then chosen (or not) to be posted online each week. I almost always see three or four cards every time that I could have written myself.
HOWEVER: PostSecret has made a Facebook page and post extra secrets in a photo album. Yesterday they invited people to comment with their own secrets. Keep in mind, this is Facebook, and your name, picture, and location are disclosed with each comment. I have had a seriously jarring experience today reading a good bit of those stupid "secrets" that are left as per request. Here is an accurate (I'd wager) cross-section of probably a good 2,000 comments, mostly left by high school/college-aged girls who have hair in their faces and pictures with their lips pooched out:
-"I've always loved him, and I hate that he doesn't know. I'm totally alone."
-"I'll always be alone, because I'm ugly and worthless and alone alone alone."
-"I have loved him for so many years and he'll never love me, I'm so alone."
-"If he leaves me, I'll literally kill myself, I have the materials on hand at all times."
-"I cheated on him but I will die if he leaves me, what did I ever do to him?!?!"
I'm not kidding. The entire page, which takes five minutes to load, is comment after comment of girls typing the same words over and over. "Alone." "Die." "Fat and ugly." "Worthless." "He will never love me." "I cut." "I'm constantly miserable."
I'm not, by any means, trying to undermine the fact that people are hurting. Everyone has something that makes them ache on the inside sometimes, and I fully believe that depression and self-injury are real diseases. I was utterly and completely floored to see how many... how many millions of people define their whole lives and existence by the attraction status of one other human being.
Holy cow, what pressure.
This afternoon, I was so irritated reading these, incensed at the blatant screams for attention by thousands of people. Then I laughed, hard, because--come on, this is ridiculous. Then I was angry because they made such a big deal out of things that everyone deals with--I'm single too, dang it, but there is more to life. Now I'm just sad, and the longer I type, the worse it gets. I just want to shake each one of them and say, "really?? I mean, REALLY?" Blech. It's freaking emotional fruit salad.
The best part of all of this is that God has wrapped His arms around me today, and He is whispering in my ear these words:
Your worth is in me.
Your worth is in ME.
YOUR WORTH IS IN ME.
I wish I could hug or smack each one of those dramatic but possibly genuinely hurting girls and say the same to them. Tell 'em, Jesus.
*Edit* There are a handful (and I mean maybe 10 out of 2000) that aren't about love or being lonely. This is my favorite out of the ones that I've read:
"Every single time, without fail, I get startled and jump when the toaster finishes and pops the bread out."
*end edit*
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| I had a moment of realization today while listening to the Prince of Egypt soundtrack. I'm not even kidding. I'm going to blog about it, but I just want to think about it by myself for a while. Chances are it won't have half the impact in writing as it did to me tonight while listening.
For now I'm just turning it over in my head a lot. (I like the imagery of that phrase. I always have.)
More later!
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| Casting Crowns:
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
from you leaving me this way..
Jesus, can you show me just how far
the East is from the West
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
You know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other....
I just promised my dear friend Rachel that I'd get back into xanga'ing. I miss it. It's just nice, somehow. So here's a list of great new things.
1. Working at a bookstore.
A. Amazing new list of books read.
B. Long and equally exciting list of books to read. Ever-growing.
2. Hanging out with writers and poets and generally loquacious people; this makes me want to write. It's always amazing to feel strongly inspired. In fact, it's incredibly refreshing to be the person they know me to be at work; an avid reader and lover of creativity instead of just a musician. It's like the little kid Jeanette is running around with her book of poems and short stories laughing at music-school-me. More like stuck-in-the-college-vortex- me. I digress.
3. I'm tired of listing. On to just writing.
I haven't stopped wrestling with God. If anything it's just getting more intense. Longer fights. More uneasiness. But it's good, because I keep coming back to the fact that He loves me and is perfectly capable of letting me pound on his chest for a while. Apparently book-toting kiddo Jeanette is also a brat. I feel so selfish and headstrong when I can't let things like the love of Christ sink in the way I wish it would. Arrgh. I'm hanging in there. I know even David felt like God was far away from him, more than once. Seems like every other Psalm is about how God seems to be deliberately keeping himself at a distance from David. That's how I feel lately, that I cry and yell and try to ignore the fact that I feel light years away from God but that it is part of his idea of "what is best," which absolutely, without fail, always is.
In other news, yet another year has gone by and my love for Brach's candy corn has not wavered nor waned. Mmmmmmmm. Candy corn season.
Yay for coming back!
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| My internet connection has been less of a consistent sureity and
more of a friend who just stops by to say hi every month or so
lately, so my xanga-ing and other internet routines have been severely
altered. Sorry.
I think last year I posted about my love for Brach's candy corn,
complete with pictures and everything. That was an awesome post. I'm
too lazy to go find it, but it was awesome. It even had dancing candy
corn and stuffed toy candy corn. All of its uncompromising integrity,
fat-free savory goodness, and freshness guarantee still ring quite
true. Brach's candy corn is the most incredible, delectable morsel of
flavor ever made. Just a friendly reminder.
So I watched another movie about Juilliard this weekend. It was
basically Save the Last Dance all over again. White girl dancing at
Juilliard, black guy who gets her to dance hip-hop...and all over again
I literally dreamed the entire time about what it would be like to
really be that talented and accomplished to just be allowed to study at
Juilliard or to perform regularly in Lincoln Center. It kind of re-lit
my fire and helped me to focus on my intense desire to really make
something of myself and my future as a musician. I've lost a LOT of
that fire in the past year. I hate that, but it's true. It's like a big
ball of insecurities, 'knowing' I'll never be good enough to compete on
that level. That's just stupid. I could get there if I worked hard
enough. Now I just have to work hard enough. Simple, right? *sigh*
Moral of the story is: dumb movie, but I sure want to practice more.
Anyone feel like getting together to listen to good music sometime? My
main music listening buddy moved to Michigan. I miss having people
around me that freak out over some incredible music. Let's make it
happen. People like you guys inspire me in a huge way.
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